Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Happy Birthday, Mom! {#62}

My mom would have turned 62 today. As I get older, even that age seems young to me, and already she has been gone for over 25 years! The thought of that - that she passed away just after her 36th birthday really hits me in the gut, as I am turning 35 this year. She was only one year older than me when she passed away from breast cancer.

I can't think about it too much or it just makes me too sad. Some days are harder than others. Birthdays and anniversaries definitely bring up a lot of emotions for me. I wish she could have been here for my daughter's birthday party this weekend. I wish she could be here to talk to me about all the things moms are supposed to talk to their daughters about.


I often find myself wondering if my mom did things like me when she was a mom. Or if she was clumsy like I am. We look just alike but I also wonder what other traits we share.

It makes me sad to say I don't really remember much about her. Don't get me wrong, I have memories of her, but I can't hear the way she talks, I can't imagine the way she laughs, I can't remember her mannerisms. This breaks my heart.

Now that I am a mom, I know how much of my heart and soul I have invested in my kids. I was only 8 when she passed away. (My kids are 7 and 4.) I think about how my husband and I are their whole worlds and I remember having that same feeling about my mom. So it seems strange to me I can't remember more about her.

I have a completely different perspective on her struggles and her life now that I am a mom myself. I hope she is having a fun birthday up there in heaven. I know she is smiling down on me, my brothers, and our children.

I love you, Mom! ♥