For those of you who are new to my blog, my mom passed away when I was 8 years old from breast cancer. She was only 32 when she was first diagnosed. This year has been particularly hard for me because I am now 32. My son is the same age I was when my mom was diagnosed. It is hard to imagine what she must have gone through. Now that I am a mom myself, I can not even begin to imagine what that would have been like. And the thought of it terrifies me.
|My Mom and Me|
|My Mom in High School|
On anniversaries like this, I often find myself playing the "what if" game. I know it doesn't get me anywhere and it is hardly productive, but it is hard not to. What would my life be like if she hadn't died when I was so young? Would I live in Arizona? Would I have chosen a different career path? Would we be best friends? Would I be a better seamstress? Would I know how to crochet and knit? Would we have had a falling out in my teen years as so many kids and their parents do?
|My Mom with me and my two brothers|
I was talking with my husband today about it being my mom's birthday. My son (age 5) overheard our conversation. Here is what he said,
Thomas: "Did your mommy die?"
Thomas: "But today is her birthday?"
Thomas: "Are we going to celebrate it?"
Me: "No, we aren't."
Thomas: "But every year when someone has a birthday they grow and grow."
How do you respond to that? It breaks my heart each and every day my children have never met my mom. And there are fleeting moments, when I will look at my son or daughter and see my mom's face staring back at me. I try to make it a point to talk about my mom to my kids, but I hardly knew her myself.
Favorite picture of my Mom with her brothers
She looks so happy!
But most of all, I wish my mom a Happy Birthday up in heaven! I know she is smiling down on my brothers and me right now.
I love you, Mom.