Here is what happened.
I was driving home from work at almost 10:00 at night. I was feeling completely overwhelmed. I hadn't had a day off in quite some time and the last few days I did have off were spent cleaning, cooking, doing laundry, entertaining a cranky two year old, the usual mom workload. And I just burst into tears. I tried to compose myself before I got home but couldn't. My husband and I ended up having a small fight about it because I didn't want to talk, and then we both went to sleep.
The next morning after he left for work, I was still feeling crummy. So I decided I would sit down and write him a letter about all that was ailing me. And as I was writing this letter, I thought to myself, "I better come up with some solutions to my problems, or this letter isn't going to do anyone any good."
So, as I wrote and wrote I started to realize that I was trying to do everything in every aspect of my life perfectly (i.e. 'Super Mom Syndrome'). However, I realized I was a complete fraud. In trying to do everything perfectly for everyone all the time, I never really accomplished anything. And the more I tried to stuff into each minute of each day, the more I ended up not making room for myself and my needs. I wanted the house to be spotless. I wanted Thomas to have educational, fun activities ready for him and I to sit down and share together. I wanted to be a gourmet, five-star restaurant chef. I wanted to be the perfect wife, always happy and willing to please.
But somehow among all of these wants, I seemed to have lost myself. I couldn't remember the last time I did something just for me. And unless I decided to stop sleeping, there were not enough hours in the day to get it all done.
And that is when it hit me.
I must make time to take care of myself, or I won't have anything left to give to take care of my son, my husband and the other people in my life. And the funny thing is, there really are not enough hours in the day to complete all that needs to be done.
So I have made some resolutions to myself:
- I must make more time to do the things that I love to be able to recharge my batteries.
- There will be days that all I do is play with Thomas and the housework will just have to wait.
- There will be days when Thomas must play by himself so that I can get to the inevitable piles of dishes and laundry and cleaning that must be done.
- I must let let go of the perfection of it all. Sometimes, good enough just is . . .